its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
