I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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