He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
