Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
