Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
