I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
