I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
