Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
