Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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