Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
