Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
