my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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