I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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