why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
