so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
