Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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