How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
