You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
