Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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