Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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