Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
