I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
