i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
