Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
