So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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