DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
