everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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