i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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