FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
