you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
