i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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