She said her name was "party"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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