I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
