i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
