your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
