If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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