If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
