I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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