You can't special order awesome
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
