i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this just has baby written all over it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
