she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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