Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
