Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
