I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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