WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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