i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
