i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
