so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
