I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
