I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
