She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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