i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
