I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
