god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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