If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
