I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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