is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
