So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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