Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
